He done lost his damn mind.

Chapter 3: I’ll explain.

Your like “ what the duck are you talking about? What are you? High?

Yes…. I am…….. high…………

Our job is to not know what we are doing

Why? 

Dan?? Shaking head, little side laugh. That makes no sense!

My day…

Wake up around 7. Get up…groan…die…in total body freezing pain in some joint, like your shoulder, that you hurt while pitching against Walden in big leagues in town ball. That you threw 160 pitches 9 innings for the 17 strikeout game you won 15-0. Roll over and look at my wife and go, “Man I can’t believe…. She married me…. Totally Kidding…. How much game I had, that I was able to pull that! Rip a giant fart and go pee. 

I quietly walk into your 6yr old daughters room, thinking of the move I am gonna do to wake her up with. I can see her little smile in the corner of her mouth. She knows it’s gonna happen, but she’s still laughs her ass off. A kid laugh really is the best sound in the world. And infectious. Kid laughs are like Covid. They very infectious, after a while you can’t breath and need to catch your breath. 

I tickle her armpits, and get that belly laugh to start the day!

I smile. And say one for one.  Smack her leg and say “Get up and going”.

I slowly crawl into my 3 yr old sons room. Ugh! 

I nudge the dogs away so he and she don’t blow up my spot. Get to his bed and start sniffing his ears and neck pretending like i am one of the dogs.  He starts laughing and I tap his butt and go “Come on buddy….YAWN, let’s go potty.”Get the kids up and ready for the day! I finish getting ready for work, and the wife asks, “Did you do her lunch?”

“Duuuuuuuuuck! Did I? What’s today? October? No it’s Monday?” 

Yeah I did it last night, so i start nodding yes soooo nonchalantly! 

I’m on a ducking roll today! And it’s only 7:35 am! 

Quick run through the next 10-15 hours.

Get to work! Look who I’m

working with and it’s gonna be a good day today! 

Clock in——Work, work, work, Pee/text, work, Pee, text, work, work, work, text, shit, no just a fart, text, work, clean up and clock out. Unless my boss sees this then it’s——— work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, cry, LUNCH, pee, work, work, work, work, cry, work. *Totally kidding *

*Wink*

Now for the speed round up.

Finish work. Get kids. Answer a question that isn’t really a questions but a phrase that he says in a questioning tone. Bathe. Tantrum. Answer same question. Crying. Dinner. TV (unique zoomi or Rainbow Bright or Rainbow high or some shit, they all look the same) kids in bed.

First I carry and tuck my daughter into bed, then get him to the potty and carry him into bed. I saw a post somewhere about carrying your kids. It said something like “One day you are going to put your child down for the last time!” 

First thought. Like putting down a dog? Dumb ass… like I said FIRST THOUGHT! Carry them, when ever they ask, for how long as you can, for how far you can and remember to breath and take all of her in, because you don’t know how long you will be able to do it for.

I start cleaning up the kids dinner, waiting for my wife to finish work so we can have dinner together.  Talk about work and the days events, that we’re similar to what yesterdays events and will be and prolly what tomorrow events will be. But still present in it. And having someone who looks like that and as smart as that, would even talk to me is a miracle.

Sit down with her and watch some Riverdale or 90 Day Fiancé. Take the dogs out, smoke weed and get ready for bed. Refill your CPAP, close your eyes and starting analyzing your day. 

Huh what? Sex? Sure! huh? Oh your sleeping. Close your eyes and say to yourself “Ice Cube”!

Ice cube? Yup! Today was a good day.

Ugh… tomorrow we are down a tech! This is gonna suck! Ohhhh but we have a luncheon!” 

You can kinda see where I’m going with this. 

What the duck is my job and what the duck did I actually accomplish today? Well??

That’s what I mean when I say “That’s our job!” 

“Made it through the day!” 

Guy Poll time! You got to choose one to win ina fight. What are we 13?! 

2 parts with an explanation after so you can see why it kinda makes sense for who I choose and why.

A. John Wick 

B. Jason Bourne

I believe it all depends on WHEN they get the news that the other is coming for them.

John Wick wins if they are fighting in a night club, in the stands at a football game, strip club. With or without Bourne knowing he is en route.

Jason Bourne wins ever other time. 

He is a black op, government brainwashed, explosives, land, sea and sky expert.

Im a big fan of scary movies so I’ll explain my points in horror characters. Yes you saw that correctly or if you have an inner monologue then you heard that right. I will compare two fictional characters by comparing them to two other fictional characters to understand who wins in a fictional fight. Scratching head emoji. Just wait for it. It’s a lot statement then that smarter. 

John Wick is Michael Myers. I mean they have the same nickname “Boogey man”

“Baba Yaga”****PER THE MOVIE**** “Boogey man” in Russian. I really like this new Trilogy of Halloweens. I like how they are following the original movie storyline. The reason I say that is because what is one thing they always try to do to MM? Kill him! Obviously. But they get close. There were a few moments in the last MM movie, actually not knowing there was a 3rd installment, where I thought “That’s it! Light that old ass on fire! You aint stopping fire. If there were no “Spoiler Alert” fire trucks and a way out? He’s Dead. He’s Human. 

Look at the kill counts. JW=290 (confirmed). MM=170 (confirmed)- BIGGEST HITTERS IN THE GAME 

Jason Bourne is Freddy Kruger. He kills when you are at your most vulnerable. He knows your fears and feeds off them. And poof gone when you forget about him. That shit SCREAMS Some Black Ops/CIA type shit. Freddy only kills you when your sleeping, Bourne, who already tracked you down with Satellites, set you up and when you least expect it or when you are at your most vulnerable. You walk/slept right into it. 

See I told you I could do it and have it make sense. Sorry, where were we? Yeah, so we made it through the day. Well done!