Posts

WTF

Chapter 10 : What the actually fuck just happened?  So this just happened. My daughter was telling me about all her friends “spraint” their ankles. I was like perfect! This is a good lesson. Since I’ve torn my ACL, partial tear in my shoulder and have spraint my ankle many times. I explained that they twisted their ankles. Told her the difference between a twist, sprain and a tear. Man it was a thing of beauty. We were on a roll. I brought out props. Explained ligaments, yeah i said ligament. So i put my fist together and had her put her arms across them. Perfect ducking example. She was answering questions, like damn I should have stayed teaching. Side bar to the side bar. I went to get my masters in art education at the College of New Rochelle, for a year. And realized after substitute teaching it wasn’t for me. My Aunt always said “You can’t fake teaching.” And she was right. Love you Didi(The Strongest Person I have ever met, 2,3,4 are a very close framily, **RONALD MCDONA
Post a Comment
Read more

2 chapters 9’s?

  Chapter 9  : Secrets of the Family Man is the Family DOG Chapter 9  : Secrets of the Family Man  Not gonna lie I wanted another girl. Don’t get me wrong I was happy my wife was pregnant, but outwardly but secret reason why. I kept saying it was because it was that it would be cheaper or then we don’t need to buy clothes. But really for me. It was because I felt after having my daughter that I was destined to be a #girldad. But Colin was born and thank god because my wife wanted to name him a ducked Irish name and call her by the cute nickname of the fucked up irish name. My daughter has fucked up Irish name. Look it up. We are the worst. But also why this is so easy to do. Us Irish have the gift of the gab and with the Irish Witt you can write things that are more off color easier then saying it.  So yeah, different affect about my son. He is just a happy boy. He is a walking smile. He has my wife’s smile, and her smile is stunning. My daughter has mine. Wah wah waaaaaaah SNL Face. S
Post a Comment
Read more

Swiss Army Knife

  Chapter  7 :  The Human Swiss Army Knife  We were warning Ninjago on TV and my daughter was like Dad “im gonna be a ninja!” In my brain I’m like hell yeah, she’s gonna duck someone up if she needs. Then I think so myself, I go “Self…” hahahha sorry that always makes me laugh. An old math teacher and JV baseball coach used to say. I was a much better student then athlete…. Sorry dyslexia…. Better athlete then student. Pause for laughter. She loves legos and marvel so it’s like PBJ sandwich for her, a perfect match. I remembered something I’ve never told her. I said to her “Babe, You don’t know much about me when I was younger except I played baseball and could draw. But I basically was a Ninja!” She goes “as hahah WHAT!”Confused emoji face. Not sure if there is one but Confused emoji face. I go so very nonchalantly “Yeah, I trained when I was 17 for about a year or so. By my Taekwondo/MARINE/POLICE OFFICER Instructor Master Maeng.” *I think that is the correct spelling* She lit the du
Post a Comment
Read more

Question mark

Chapter 5  :   Not sure what to call this one.   When you become a dad you just know things. Like things you shouldn’t know, now you know. Like that Keanu scene “I know kung fu.” Straight up, I had to change a chandelier over our kitchen table. I’ve never done that. I changed small fixtures out, but this one was old. There was no different color wires. White to white black to black. Nope, all these wires were white and like 3 different grounds, I don’t know. It was a mess up there. But you know what, I figured that shit out. It took 1 hour and 14 minutes longer then it should have taken. Long story. Not my fault. “Raspy Old Lady Voice. Arm out and hand drop. “Another cup cawfeeee another time darlin”, same arm up hand down move. But again I just knew that shit. And that’s why we are awesome. We just know things like that. Or it’s the Thermocouple. It’s aaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllways the Thermocouple. Hey what’s wrong with the fridge? Ahhhhhhh, scratching head, I  don’t know b
Post a Comment
Read more

CTRL/ALT/DEL ASAP!

Chapter 5  : I’ve got this! Nope nope I don’t. 3 days of family and friend celebration. Oh Shit! Tomorrow! First night home! Like I said early, someone is coming out of your wife, you better be doing night feedings and night diapers forever! Crying and calling for Mommy, you get up. Why? Why do we do it? It’s our job! To get to 100 percent homeostasis…cue Bio-Dome. Ohhh man that one lady scientist!………. Sorry back again. First week I didn’t sleep. My daughter kept losing weight and we didn’t know why. And if she were to get below 5 pounds she would have to be hospitalized.  Well duck that. We got this.  Both my wife and I had no problem with admitting her, if it made her gain weight. I couldn’t handle her already having something potentially wrong with her and I’m breaking my promise that she will never be hurt. I brought the scale from upstairs down and would weigh myself with her and without her obsessively.    Checking the locks each way quiet ahahaha sorry quiet ahaha(talking to mys
Post a Comment
Read more

It’s happeninnnnnnnnnnnng!

Chapter 4:  The day I became who I was born to be. And also smuggled a human body part (in my head). We were kings among men in our prime! And now… We made it through the day! Yay! Wah wah waaaaah face from SNL.  To see where we are, what our job is, we need to look at what moms job is.  Mom is a god damn super hero! And you know you said GOT DAMN short and loud in your head, or doing it right now. But I digress.  We can’t be mom. Mom had a human exit her!  I say this a few times and I have to give credit to Ryan Reynold, he said something similar about his wife Blake Lively. So If I say it again, it’s from him. Dad held her hand. Trying not to say something stupid and get hit in the dick. What was dad thinking while the love of his life is going through the most excruciating pain ever?  Please don’t shit! Pleaseeee don’t shit. My stomach really can’t handle that right now!?   Bam! Hit in the dick. P.S. don’t ever ask for a Tylenol for the shoulder and back pain you h
Post a Comment
Read more

He done lost his damn mind.

Chapter 3: I’ll explain. Your like “ what the duck are you talking about? What are you? High? Yes…. I am…….. high………… Our job is to not know what we are doing Why?  Dan?? Shaking head, little side laugh. That makes no sense! My day… Wake up around 7. Get up…groan…die…in total body freezing pain in some joint, like your shoulder, that you hurt while pitching against Walden in big leagues in town ball. That you threw 160 pitches 9 innings for the 17 strikeout game you won 15-0. Roll over and look at my wife and go, “Man I can’t believe…. She married me…. Totally Kidding…. How much game I had, that I was able to pull that! Rip a giant fart and go pee.  I quietly walk into your 6yr old daughters room, thinking of the move I am gonna do to wake her up with. I can see her little smile in the corner of her mouth. She knows it’s gonna happen, but she’s still laughs her ass off. A kid laugh really is the best sound in the world. And infectious. Kid laughs are like Covid. They ver
Post a Comment
Read more