CTRL/ALT/DEL ASAP!

Chapter 5 : I’ve got this! Nope nope I don’t.


3 days of family and friend celebration.

Oh Shit! Tomorrow! First night home!

Like I said early, someone is coming out of your wife, you better be doing night feedings and night diapers forever! Crying and calling for Mommy, you get up. Why? Why do we do it? It’s our job! To get to 100 percent homeostasis…cue Bio-Dome. Ohhh man that one lady scientist!………. Sorry back again.


First week I didn’t sleep. My daughter kept losing weight and we didn’t know why. And if she were to get below 5 pounds she would have to be hospitalized. 

Well duck that. We got this. 

Both my wife and I had no problem with admitting her, if it made her gain weight. I couldn’t handle her already having something potentially wrong with her and I’m breaking my promise that she will never be hurt. I brought the scale from upstairs down and would weigh myself with her and without her obsessively.  Checking the locks each way quiet ahahaha sorry quiet ahaha(talking to myself there)…. I was excited for the next apt and ready to see how many ounces I put on this heffer!

When I say I didn’t sleep, I didn’t sleep. I was awake for 3 days straight. We were supposed to feed my daughter the first week or weeks every hour and and half after she finishes eating. Again no sleep.  

I fed her every 1.5 hours, not after she eats but every 1.5 hours. I ducking hate myself. I’m hurting her. 

Go into the Doctor office, giving updates and getting anxious.

Lost weight again! What the duck! I’m

pissed. No I’m actually writing fuck on this one! What the fuck?! My wife said it was the first time she ever saw me look defeated.

Remember when I said moms are God-Damned hero’s! I know you said “Damn”quick, short and prolly this time adding a southern accent.

Our daughter had a lactose sensitivity. Thank god it was only that. And my wife just gave up dairy. Yeah at that singular moment in time, like changing dish soap, I don’t know like it was a nothing thing, like just changed. Think about this. This is a mom sacrifice. Let me change my entire foodie life in a snap. It was difficult, I cut down a bit. Definitely when around her. But for her it was done. It was like my wife was a mafia boss or something. Like something needed to be taken care of and it was taken care of. No questions asked. And she felt better overall! 

Badass! Forgot to mention she was a Psych Nurse, while pregnant. Suck it bitches.

Nights got better. Nights got better. I look back at how ducking hard those nights were but at those exhausting, a few tear filled nights. Yeah I did cry a few times, it was just me and her. She’s having a bottle smiling and drooling and I’m crying because I am afraid I am going to fail you. But those late night hours created our bond, Daddy Daughter Bond and that’s why I’m wrapped around your finger. 

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