Journaling became a joke

So I started this journey out by writing down my schedule for what I needed to get done for the day or week. And from there i started to jot down my thoughts, something that pissed me off, work frustrations… breath Dan, goosefrabaaaaa! happy thoughts… funny things the kids did or some random ass thought that i would normally say “oh yeah, I’ll remember that.” Then not remember or a sports comparison to actors. Kind of you know, what ever. So I’m not sure how this is gonna look but let’s give it the old college try, shall we?

Yeah I don’t know what I’m doing.

Hi,

I’m Dan and I am an adult who within the last 15yrs at one point didn’t have a bank account. Your thinking 15 yrs, pssh That’s nothing! 

I’m 38. 

Do the math. 

No seriously do the math. I’m terrible at math. 

I’m a Man-Child and now I know why.

“You got ADHD?” “Yeah you know me.” “Who got ADHD”, “Yeah you know me.”

No? No, ok let’s try something else.

Will you relate to this?

Easy question to answer. 

God I hope so! Hahaha or this is real sad non-stop-rom-com. WHHHHHAAATT did I just invent. Call me Apple TV! Call me Netflix! This NSRC, it just never ends and is always in a 1/2 Anxious. 1/2 Exhausted style setting. Like “Friends” but everyone is on meds. So actually, just like “Friends”.

ADHD- Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)- from the CDC website- ADHD is one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders of childhood. It is usually first diagnosed in childhood and often lasts into adulthood. Children with ADHD may have trouble paying attention, controlling impulsive behaviors (may act without thinking about what the result will be), or be overly active.

I don’t think It’s worded right. Or why should we be lumped together.  My attention isnt deficient, it was just shifted.  Listen, I’m not hyperactive AT ALLLLL. I get tired after yawning to hard. 

I want to change ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER to ALTERNATE COGNITIVE EPISODE. Mother ducking “ACE”! I know right. God damn IPhone. Im not saying duck!!!  Genius name though right?! 

And i have the perfect commercial for any company willing to pay 1 million dollars a year each year that commercial is played.  Or 5 million dollar buy out, full rights. And I get to be at the making of said commercial. Why you make ask? We read on and you will soon see.

Here is goes. Bout time right?! I know. 

Scene 

Young boy in freshman year of highschool, not fully grown into himself yet, 

Boy- staring at the chalk board with a pained/confused look on his face, while his teacher is going over division and remainders. 

Next Scene-same kid, same room, same teacher. 

“The results are in” The teacher calls out. He calls each persons name and hands  them their test. The teacher doesnt hide his facial expression’s, so when it was a pass, nothing. No expression. Just a “phew” sound. 

An eye brow raise for a fail and WOW for a real bad. 

Calls boys name and Goes “Lennon!” Eye brow raise. The kids whisper “again! Right! Always!” 

Next scene- same kid, different class- kid lost in his own thoughts staring out the window.

Next scene- same kid, home getting reprimanded by his mother about his room not being fully cleaned and his homework wasn’t complete.

Next scene- same mom with friend at coffee bar talking about kids and life.

Mom talks about sons behavior and how exhausting it is picking up after him.

Friend goes “ Does he have ADHD?” 

Mom goes “No he’s not hyperactive.”

Scene- person taps moms shoulder. “I’m sorry to interrupt but I over heard what you said about you son, and it sounds a lot like me.” Mom goes “Derek Jeter!  No way! But you played professional baseball! And that takes alot of effort and structure!” DJ “Yeah! And But I at times struggled. Luckily I had a good home plate I could rely on. 

Camera turns and you see Mariano Rivera, Aaron Judge, Mike Trout, Bryce Harper, the whole Football Manning family, Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Alec Ovechin, Henriq Lundquist, Wayne Gretzky, Hank Aaron, Beyoncé, Jay Z, Eminem, Snoop, Dr. Dre, Nikki Glaser, Bill Burr, Bill Murray, and Bert Kreischer turn back to Derek Jeter. 

Jeter says “Its called ACE.” 

Friend says “ACE? What’s that stand for?”

Michael Jordan, Jack Nicklaus, Jack Nicholson, Tiger Woods, Paige Spirinac, Leo, Tom Hanks, Ryan Reynold, Will Farrell, Vince Vaugh, Mike Greenberg and Mike Golich, Michael Kay show(every ever) turn around and say “Let’s have our friend explain!” 

Science, Science, Science.

Scene- same kid walks into coffee shop to ask mom for some money for the arcade. And sees everyone and gets so surprised. 

Jordan looks at him and goes “Look at me, they say I’m the Goat! But I struggled a lot. I missed my JV basketball team. And I’m sure other people here has similar problems. 

Everyone shakes their head in agreement. 

Scene- the Williams sisters are shown talking with Shawn White, Katie Ledecky, Simone Biles, Michael Phelps, Billy Joel. Elton John can be heard Saying “yeah Ace- Alternated Cognitive Episode”

Hugh Jackson says to Lin Manuel Miranda (hi Lin) yeah my attention isn’t deficient, it’s just rerouted for a moment.” Lin says “Yeah like something caught my attention and just needed a moment for it to acclimate in my brain.”Scene- Wutang clan says “Take it and let it pass.”

Final scene- Paul McCartney, the Queen, the President, Jimmy Fallon, Kanye and Kim say. “Tired of feeling like your always in the middle of the pack, contact your local Pediatrician for more info.”

Scene- Derek Jeter turns to camera and says “tired of being in the minor leagues but have HOF talent?” KD, Steph Curry and Shaq smile sheepishly. “Go from warming the bench to becoming the ACE!” Nolan Ryan tips hat to Mariano Rivera. 

Final Scene- waitress comes with a huge bill and says “who gets it? We don’t split tabs!” 

Jesus comes down and says “Hey guys it’s on me!” Smiles swipes card and disappears. Billy Crystal yells, “Hey! he took my wallet!” which caused Adam Sandler to spit his drink on Kevin James. And David Spade, Chris Rock, Tracy Morgan, Dave Chapell and Betty white look at eachother and all say “White People.” As they shake their head. Richard Pryor from the back goes “That’s right mother fucker, let finish this shit!”Then and huge logo of ?????? That’s says “Paid for by ?????” Chills.See why you would want to be there.

May have went a weee off the rails a bit there, but you get the gist. Hahahah gist.

 

Have you ever just stopped and looked at something for like 3 mins?

Have you done that multiple times?

Maybe multiple times a day?

Do you feel alittle relieved after that?

Does your brain feel like you just deleted your browser history right before your wife takes your laptop?

Yeah so you have ADHD. 

Prolly. 

Maybe.

I don’t think so…. Since I’m not a doctor. But look into it. Can’t hurt to see. 

That was a lot of words, so if you are like

me you, you read like 30 percent straight  through then jumped a few line and then a few more.

So here’s another one:

Do you give 20 words when 5 are needed? 

Or…

If you have 10 jobs to do, will you do 7-8 of them? And out of the those 7-8, will 2-3 are actually be done?

Still unsure? Ok. Pulling out the big guns here. 

Do you have the ability to make a 5 min story into a twisted tale of griefs and celebrations? That took about an hour or so and still didn’t get the point of the actual conversation? Or what the actually initial context of the conversation?

Well Then? 

Hey Gurl Hey! ADHD YALL!

This isn’t a self-health book, self-help book? Which one is it? I never know and I think I use them Interchangeably.

This isn’t a whichever-one it is book, i just thought that there are so many people are in the world, there has to be someone who feels my way. Or you want to understand someone you live who’s is driving you ducking crazy.

We also don’t laugh anymore and definitely don’t laugh at ourselves. 

So.

Welcome to the Magical Mystery Tour.

Welcome to the Jungle.

I just shotgunned a bunch of fun dip.