Question mark

Chapter 5 :  Not sure what to call this one. 

When you become a dad you just know things. Like things you shouldn’t know, now you know. Like that Keanu scene “I know kung fu.” Straight up, I had to change a chandelier over our kitchen table. I’ve never done that. I changed small fixtures out, but this one was old. There was no different color wires. White to white black to black. Nope, all these wires were white and like 3 different grounds, I don’t know. It was a mess up there. But you know what, I figured that shit out. It took 1 hour and 14 minutes longer then it should have taken. Long story. Not my fault. “Raspy Old Lady Voice. Arm out and hand drop. “Another cup cawfeeee another time darlin”, same arm up hand down move. But again I just knew that shit. And that’s why we are awesome. We just know things like that. Or it’s the Thermocouple. It’s aaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllways the Thermocouple. Hey what’s wrong with the fridge? Ahhhhhhh, scratching head, I  don’t know but I think it’s the thermocouple. Hey man what’s wrong with your faucet? Keeps leaking water? Ahhhhh, scratching head, I think it’s the Theremocouple. Hey what happened to the trees? How did they fall? Ahhhhh, scratching head, I think it’s the thermocouple. Thermocouple, Dan this is nature not electricity? Ahhhhhh, scratching head, well there’s Two trees that kept a pair of chipmunks warm. THERMOCOUPLE. Bang! Eat it! Doing the “X” logo over my dick! Sorry I digress. ADHD.

Chapter 6 : Random things I think about.  Oh And a new Beginning.

So quick Guy Poll (Any Male) If when you are peeing and there is a cabinet or stupid fake farmhouse style deer antler. A like Chip and Jo would not approve of, wall ornament, will you 

A. Stand like the MJ logo with one arm up hanging on it, praying it’s in the studs since you are putting way to much pressure on it, saying “Oh my shoulder, reminiscing about that game you threw that 183 pitch gem….aching and moaning prolly a bit to loud for how early it is. But god damn it let’s have a great day. 

B. Same scenario but with knee and either some “Bar/Adult” League

C. Same scenario but another sport, another joint

D. Dancer/Hiker/Tough Mudder……-ee-er I don’t know what you call yourselves

E. Anyone else…Ever…

I’m gonna go with 8-12 percent answer E.

What are a good dad’s attributes? These are what I think all dads need to think like. You need to muscle up, you need to be “Super Man” physically strong. “Dads a Genius” like all Dads before, before, before, before…..befooo.

Mentally strong! Like Your WIFE/STEPMOTHER/SIGNIFICANT OTHER/PARTNER/ONE-NIGHT STAND/UNSURE IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE DATING/LONG-TERM PARTNER…..Any ducking MOM EVER(GOOD MOM). Emotionally Strong for those Said People. And Emotionally Strong for ourselves. Dude we need it. We deserve it. Have drink, not excessively, smoke a bowl, not excessively- be in “your moment”. A brain break. Sometimes your moment is when you have to take a shit and a 5-8 minute happenstance becomes a 40 min soul-searching but still a 4-7 minute happenstance. Or watching tv petting the dog. The only thing in the world that loves you more then your wife. 

Then there is my Little Homie, My Son. Where to even start… my whole energy outside my body… The “I love you dude, but did you deserve it?” “ Well he was playing wit it and I was playing wit it too but after him and he gave it to me……but after I pulled it from him for like yesderday!” “Sooooooo you took it from him and now he’s crying!” “That’s not very nice!”

Hits a real baller ass pose- “Yeah” with arms shrugged.

Me to myself, doesn’t waste time this one. Me to him, “Then you prolly deserved it dude.” If you catching what I’m throwing.