Swiss Army Knife

 Chapter 7 : 

The Human Swiss Army Knife 


We were warning Ninjago on TV and my daughter was like Dad “im gonna be a ninja!” In my brain I’m like hell yeah, she’s gonna duck someone up if she needs. Then I think so myself, I go “Self…” hahahha sorry that always makes me laugh. An old math teacher and JV baseball coach used to say. I was a much better student then athlete…. Sorry dyslexia…. Better athlete then student. Pause for laughter. She loves legos and marvel so it’s like PBJ sandwich for her, a perfect match. I remembered something I’ve never told her. I said to her “Babe, You don’t know much about me when I was younger except I played baseball and could draw. But I basically was a Ninja!” She goes “as hahah WHAT!”Confused emoji face. Not sure if there is one but Confused emoji face. I go so very nonchalantly “Yeah, I trained when I was 17 for about a year or so. By my Taekwondo/MARINE/POLICE OFFICER Instructor Master Maeng.” *I think that is the correct spelling* She lit the duck up! Oh man I told her story of epic proportions. A young boy from a lower middle class…but happy, strong, resilient loving… household to finding an old Medallion with a dragon holding a bow and sword. Yeah i said swords, Imagine that shit. A sword coming at you at like 75 to the chest. To being trained by An Ancient Irish/Asian Martial Arts!” And no not “Drunken Master.” That’s actually a really funny joke. What else, what else? Oh yeah. I fought in my first tournament. I kicked my first opponent so hard they canceled the rest of it. And declared me The Whole Winner of everything. Things like that. Setting that boyfriend/husband bar preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty ducking high right there.


My little homey is a kick dude. It’s funny how my whole affect changed when I went from my daughter to my son. Like it went from a tight and protection feeling to a shoulders relaxed and lighter feeling. Don’t take this as a it’s because  he’s my favorite, he’s not. Ok kidding seriously. I’ve just have had more time with my daughter so we have more memories to reminisce about. That was supposed to be said in a gold digging, ditzy, self-centered, terribly fake tanned, don’t forget fake titted and prolly around 53-67 year old lady as if she was choosing who had the better charcuterie tray at the neighborhood Christmas party voice. 


Chapter 8 : All you need is Love.  


I love both my kids better then the other. I just love them differently. 

I love them both wholeheartedly, but differently. I honestly can’t explain it. But everyone here knows what I mean. And if someone can help explain, please reach out to me.

Now I don’t want to come off as I’m a boring guy who hate his life. Believe it or not. I love my life. I love my wife. I love my children. I love my house. I love my dogs. I love my work. I love the reputation i have and the reputation I give. I love the respect people have for me and the respect I have for other. I love the trust I have for others but I don’t love the trust others have in me. By the things I have to done or failed to do for others. Even if it was something little or something big, you should always strive to exceeds expectations. And should strive to do it daily. 

You know what I miss. I miss the old forms of chivalry. I don’t mean like “a woman’s place is her home” type stuff but more when a woman goes to sit at a table to stand at a table, all the men stand up. Something so small and something that is one of the easiest things an abled bi-pedal man can do. Oh shit! I just solved the biggest mystery in the male/female relationship. When did woman think all starting thinking men were lazy. They ducking saw it first hand, just wanted to write “mate” after that. Sorry.  We stopped literally standing up. And for this information I deserve to have every male in this world to send me 1$USD or whatever your equivalent would be in the mail.  And why do I think I deserve it? Now we know the answer!!!!! Drum roll weird tongue thiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

STAND THE FUCK UP! 

Game. Set. Match. 

DM for address.

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