WTF

Chapter 10: What the actually fuck just happened? 

So this just happened. My daughter was telling me about all her friends “spraint” their ankles. I was like perfect! This is a good lesson. Since I’ve torn my ACL, partial tear in my shoulder and have spraint my ankle many times. I explained that they twisted their ankles. Told her the difference between a twist, sprain and a tear. Man it was a thing of beauty. We were on a roll. I brought out props. Explained ligaments, yeah i said ligament. So i put my fist together and had her put her arms across them. Perfect ducking example. She was answering questions, like damn I should have stayed teaching. Side bar to the side bar. I went to get my masters in art education at the College of New Rochelle, for a year. And realized after substitute teaching it wasn’t for me. My Aunt always said “You can’t fake teaching.” And she was right. Love you Didi(The Strongest Person I have ever met, 2,3,4 are a very close framily, **RONALD MCDONALD HOUSE ISNT JUST A PLACE TO THROW YOUR SHIT FROM YOUR POCKET, I IF FOR SOME GOD FORSAKEN REASON MAKE ANY MONEY OFF OF THIS, SOMEONE SOLD FARTS, I DONT KNOW, I WILL BE DONATING A PORTION To you guys for any house stuff that needs alternations. WHEN THE ASSHOLE INSURANCE COMPANIES/MEDICAL/EDUCTION THAT THEY WILL PUT YOU AND EXTRA FOR WHAT THEY PUT YOU THROUGH. Love you! 5 is … we were having a great conversation. She was very engaged and was fully taking everything I was saying. Shit, i took a napkin and showed her a a tear by ripping it in half. I crumbled it up to show a sprain and how it takes a very long time to get it back to normal and if you don’t let it heal it’s gets worse. It was awe inspiring. We are both smiling, my son is like yeah twist, sprain and pop it lock it, the dogs are doing Pilates on the carpet. Like it was perfect. Then my daughter starts laughing. Hm that’s interesting. Why the duck you laughing? That shit was perfect. She straight up says “Yeah I have no idea what you are talking about.” Nervously laughing, heart twisted, spraint and torn……that’s funny! You ducking know it. I legit had her tell me what I told her and explain it. And she ducking did to a god damn T.  So I said “So you don’t understand it? Sounds like you do. We were talking about your friends who spraint their ankles. Wait did you not know where were talking about injuries?”  Nervously laughing, she goes “yeah (shaking head) but I get it now.” No girl it’s gone. She gone.

Chapter 11 : I swear this happened right after the last debacle.

Can’t make this shit up. My son just asked my daughter if she “Would get mad if he broke the Lego?” I say “Umm dude? Did you break it?” He goes -blank expression- “No.” hmm did he just say he was gonna break the Lego and wanted to know if she would he mad? Only a psychopath would do that and ask that. Someone who eats there pizza cheese down. Yeah no idea. Jesus Christ Ted Bundy. And that’s how we left it. Almost like an agreed silence and mental pact to never speak of this event. Like “I know what you did last summer” but in this case my son is the person of interest.

Man it’s not even 7:00 PM here in NY. Wonder what exciting Age of Enlightenment moment is gonna happen next. I mean I don’t get it. Me and my wife both have college degrees. My with is a GD Psych Nurse Practitioner.  With a master from Columbia and Drexel. Like Suma Cum Everything. And I went to one and walked out with a BFA. And a Technical Degree in HVAC. Yeah I don’t use any of those. Well I did own a paint and drink wine company called…. Wait for it “A Cork of Art”. That just happened.   Those were a blast. I can write a book about that shit alone. Back to what I was saying. We are learned people. My wife very learned. And that’s what we procreated. I mean they are the cutest, most of the time sweetest kids ever, but don’t ask them multi layered questions.