The ADHDAD…….…..H?No H? Ok yeah, no, yeah, no your right, definitely no H.

Chapter 5  :   Not sure what to call this one.   When you become a dad you just know things. Like things you shouldn’t know, now you know. Like that Keanu scene “I know kung fu.” Straight up, I had to change a chandelier over our kitchen table. I’ve never done that. I changed small fixtures out, but this one was old. There was no different color wires. White to white black to black. Nope, all these wires were white and like 3 different grounds, I don’t know. It was a mess up there. But you know what, I figured that shit out. It took 1 hour and 14 minutes longer then it should have taken. Long story. Not my fault. “Raspy Old Lady Voice. Arm out and hand drop. “Another cup cawfeeee another time darlin”, same arm up hand down move. But again I just knew that shit. And that’s why we are awesome. We just know things like that. Or it’s the Thermocouple. It’s aaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllways the Thermocouple. Hey what’s wrong with the fridge? Ahhhhhhh, scratching head, I...

Chapter 5  : I’ve got this! Nope nope I don’t. 3 days of family and friend celebration. Oh Shit! Tomorrow! First night home! Like I said early, someone is coming out of your wife, you better be doing night feedings and night diapers forever! Crying and calling for Mommy, you get up. Why? Why do we do it? It’s our job! To get to 100 percent homeostasis…cue Bio-Dome. Ohhh man that one lady scientist!………. Sorry back again. First week I didn’t sleep. My daughter kept losing weight and we didn’t know why. And if she were to get below 5 pounds she would have to be hospitalized.  Well duck that. We got this.  Both my wife and I had no problem with admitting her, if it made her gain weight. I couldn’t handle her already having something potentially wrong with her and I’m breaking my promise that she will never be hurt. I brought the scale from upstairs down and would weigh myself with her and without her obsessively.    Checking the locks each way quiet ahahaha sorry qu...

Chapter 4:  The day I became who I was born to be. And also smuggled a human body part (in my head). We were kings among men in our prime! And now… We made it through the day! Yay! Wah wah waaaaah face from SNL.  To see where we are, what our job is, we need to look at what moms job is.  Mom is a god damn super hero! And you know you said GOT DAMN short and loud in your head, or doing it right now. But I digress.  We can’t be mom. Mom had a human exit her!  I say this a few times and I have to give credit to Ryan Reynold, he said something similar about his wife Blake Lively. So If I say it again, it’s from him. Dad held her hand. Trying not to say something stupid and get hit in the dick. What was dad thinking while the love of his life is going through the most excruciating pain ever?  Please don’t shit! Pleaseeee don’t shit. My stomach really can’t handle that right now!?   Bam! Hit in the dick. P.S. don’t ever ask for a Tylenol fo...

Chapter 3: I’ll explain. Your like “ what the duck are you talking about? What are you? High? Yes…. I am…….. high………… Our job is to not know what we are doing Why?  Dan?? Shaking head, little side laugh. That makes no sense! My day… Wake up around 7. Get up…groan…die…in total body freezing pain in some joint, like your shoulder, that you hurt while pitching against Walden in big leagues in town ball. That you threw 160 pitches 9 innings for the 17 strikeout game you won 15-0. Roll over and look at my wife and go, “Man I can’t believe…. She married me…. Totally Kidding…. How much game I had, that I was able to pull that! Rip a giant fart and go pee.  I quietly walk into your 6yr old daughters room, thinking of the move I am gonna do to wake her up with. I can see her little smile in the corner of her mouth. She knows it’s gonna happen, but she’s still laughs her ass off. A kid laugh really is the best sound in the world. And infectious. Kid laughs are like Covid....

Chapter 2:  Day in the life… “Hey Dan, can you get me a light bulb?” “Yeah where are they?” “In the living room, in one of those boxes.” Where? What The duck….aghh ducking iPhone….fuck box is she talking about? There’s no boxes even in here! “Which box?” “I don’t know Dan! You just have to look!” Literally every single time my beautiful, strong, bril… shes not here anymore? No? Ok, “Charlie Brown Yell” WIFE, that knows she asking me a to do a task that WE both know is 89% not going to end well. The percentage was in the 70’s but have had a few good years…so it makes more sense and saves more time and frustration if you just come and get it. We can save so much time for activities in “Will Ferrell” voice. Why am I saying this? I don’t know, but I’m struggling to understand what my Role is besides making the kids laugh, doing rote chores or teach the kids a new curse or two, definitely one curse is in Spanish (I’m pretty good speaking at Spanish). But for who as someon...

Chapter 1: This  is my story.  My name is Dan, a 38 yr old ophthalmic techniciaaaaaaaannn, sorry itch on my foot, technician and have been happily at that career for the past 12-13 yrs. I am happily married, sometimes… not the sometimes married, sometimes happily… you know what i mean… since 2013 to my hard working, strong, resilient, smart, role model, bad ass, also beautiful wife. That gave the world 2 beautiful children. My daughter 6 and son 3, who are my heart outside my body. I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life. My mid to late 30’s and take adderall daily to help me focus.  Why so late in life? I had a great childhood growing up. My dad was a Police Officer and my Mother was a Special Ed teacher.  Also my wife said you need ducking adderall and work on your basic functioning skills or I will kill you. Also you snore get a sleep study or I will kill you. I’m kidding. Not about the snoring though, she straight said it. My house was a loving and kin...

So I started this journey out by writing down my schedule for what I needed to get done for the day or week. And from there i started to jot down my thoughts, something that pissed me off, work frustrations… breath Dan, goosefrabaaaaa! happy thoughts… funny things the kids did or some random ass thought that i would normally say “oh yeah, I’ll remember that.” Then not remember or a sports comparison to actors. Kind of you know, what ever. So I’m not sure how this is gonna look but let’s give it the old college try, shall we? Yeah I don’t know what I’m doing. Hi, I’m Dan and I am an adult who within the last 15yrs at one point didn’t have a bank account. Your thinking 15 yrs, pssh That’s nothing!  I’m 38.  Do the math.  No seriously do the math. I’m terrible at math.  I’m a Man-Child and now I know why. “You got ADHD?” “Yeah you know me.” “Who got ADHD”, “Yeah you know me.” No? No, ok let’s try something else. Will you relate to this? Easy question to answer.  Go...